Friday, February 27, 2009

my top 5

AUGH I accidentally deleted this post, and I am PISSED.

Anyway, this post is a contest entry to win a Target gift card from Barking Mad's blog. Don't judge me, etc, etc. All I have to do is post link to my five favorite blog entries and put a link to her contest in my sidebar. You'd do it too, so there, etc etc.

Here they are:

four inappropriate stories
Chateau Elan - The most overrated place ever (an illustrated guide)
that's why they don't call it "Plan A"
fashion victim
the wedding chronicles, part III

Thursday, February 26, 2009

shameless begging

WELL, for some reason, my blog gets like anywhere from 20-50 hits after I post something new, which just tickles me pink and all, BUT.......well.......I am ashamed to say that it makes my little heart feel sad when you lurk and don't comment.

I know, I know, that's ridiculous, nerdy, etc, but it is what it is.

Please leave me your love notes. Or your hate notes. No, don't leave hate notes. That'll hurt my feelings, so just leave love notes, even if you don't mean them.

Also, I take requests. I'm here every night.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

FOOOOOOD

I really can't say enough good about the non-meaty food I've been eating lately. Who needs meat when there's so much healthy deliciousness? Anyhoo, here's what I made for dinner tonight, for anyone who is interested, which is probably nobody.

What you need:
1 15 oz. block of extra firm tofu
oil
soy sauce
asian chili sauce
orange marmalade OR apricot preserves
ground ginger

Drain the tofu and chop it into leetle pieces. In a non-stick pan (or a pot, which I use to minimize splatters), put a little oil in the bottom and put the pan over high heat, but do NOT LET THE OIL HEAT UP before you put the tofu in, and here's why - there is a LOT of water in tofu, and if the oil is hot when you put the tofu in, a massive column of flames will shoot into the air.

Ask me some time how I know.

So, cookity cook cook cook the tofu cubes, like 5-10 minutes, something like that, until they are getting a bit golden. Then dump the tofu on a plate of paper towels and drain, and wipe out the pan/pot completely. Put a little MORE oil in the pan and put the tofu back in over high heat. Add soy sauce (and nutritional yeast if you're into that, which I am, and it's delicious) and cook the living heck out of it til it's all tough and leathery because nothing is grosser than mushy tofu, and nothing is fried chickenier than supercooked tofu, except, of course, for actual fried chicken.

Once it's all good and fried chickeny (prob takes like 10 minutes) throw in a blob of orange marmalade (maybe like a tablespoon or two) and some chili sauce/paste to taste. Sprinkle with ground ginger to taste and cook til the sauce kind of thickens and becomes a glaze.

And voila. Delicious, meat-free, Chinese-food-tasting goodness. Eat with rice, salad, noodles, or nothing. Also causes much less farting than the veggie burger recipe.

Yayyyy!

EDIT:
Oh, also, green onions or leeks would be delicious as well.

EDIT to EDIT:
Regarding the farting - I was wrong. Beware of too much chili sauce.

oh no

I have been invited to a Fancy Thing.

Because I Christmas-treed (no joke) the LSAT surprisingly well, I got a modest scholarship from the fine people at Synovus. WELL. As you probably know, I have not Christmas-treed actual law school terribly well, but whatever. I send them a thank-you note once a year, and bladdey blah, and I really do appreciate it. Anyhoo, this morning I got an invitation to some reception thingy with Fancy Old UGA Grad #1, Senior Executive Vice President, General Counsel and Secretary of TSYS (formerly in the same position at Synovus, but what the fuck is TSYS? Anyone?), and Fancy Old UGA Grad #2, retired Chairman and CEO of Synovus. Apparently they would be just "delighted" if I could attend and meet them.

I do not think they would be delighted. I think they will be like, "This kid? Really? We gave this weird kid our money? Can we get out of that? Can somebody work on getting us out of that?"

And to make matters worse.......U-ROD will be there, looking at me all shiftily and giving me her evil C-is-for-Corporations stank eye and just generally gnoming around and making me uncomfortable.

I really cannot imagine anything worse than this reception.

"So, Jeannie, how did you spend last summer?"


"Ahh, well, I didn't actually get a job."


"Oh, well, that's fine, that's fine, many people don't find work their 1L summer."

"Yeah, I pretty much just laid at the pool and worked on my tan. I probably drank more than I should, too."


"So what are your plans for this summer?"

"Well, as you can see, I've gotten pretty pasty. I did at one point have a tanning bed membership, and I still do actually, but they let you suspend it, isn't that nice? But anyway, I quit going because I was basically getting in there half-dressed anyhow because no matter how often I went my butt always got the fuck burned out of it, so I had to keep my bottoms on, and THEN I got worried, if I get skin cancer on my boobs or nipples, could that turn into, like, breast cancer? So THEN I was wearing my bikini TOP as well, and it just didn't really make sense to use the tanning bed anymore, so I quit going. So I am really looking forward to using my time this summer to build my tan back up because I hate being pale. It makes the cottage cheese so much more visible, you know?"

What I imagine happening next looks something like the Hindenburg disaster:



And then Jolee will courageously intervene and say,

"Well, it was lovely meeting you, Fancy UGA Grads. Time to take Jeannie home for her meds!"

And you might ask yourself, "Self, why is Jolee there?" Well, she will be there because I have A Plan, and a mighty good one at that. See, I am allowed to bring a guest with me to this Fancy Thing, and I figure a) Ryan will have to work and b) he would probably hate it almost as much as I will, and so I will bring her as my guest and then they will all a) think I am a gay (of which I am 1/3 guilty anyway) and b) ignore me accordingly, and then I can indulge in free food & drink (your Spring Semester Special Fee at work!) and skulk away unnoticed.

Perfect.

what a nice kid

This kid makes me think that one day if I have children, I actually might not kill them and eat them.



Best line at 2:04.

Quote of the Yesterday

"You know, when I lived in England, seventy somethin' years ago, I was the only left-handed person in the country. It's true! There wasn't any left-handed people in the whole country, none! And, there wasn't any blacks, either. There wasn't!"
--a lonely and extremely elderly man who shall remain relatively anonymous

note

Although I have been writing much, much less, please be assured that my life is definitely no less full of crazy. To keep my poor blog from getting musty and moldy and arthritic from disuse, I will now endeavor to post, if not daily then at least a few times a week, something ridiculous that was said to me or that I heard or read.

That's all!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Quote of the Day Before Yesterday

"I mean, well, yeah, Chernobyl, yeah, they messed that one up."
--overheard on the steps of GSU's law school

Quote of the Day

"Please maintain a Noble Silence in the Studio."
--sign on the door at a fancy Atlanta yoga studio

Sunday, February 8, 2009

cutest thing eva

I was trolling the internets for ice cream tattoos because I want (another) one to go with my cupcake, and I found THIS (on this website) which is SO CUTE AND WONDERFUL AND HAPPY AND EXCELLENT!!



The owner of this adorable excellence goes by Twinkie Chan, and you can find her site here.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

how NOT to act

Here is what NOT to do in life:

Do NOT call your friend (oh, say, ME, for example) up and say, "Hey!!!! Jeannie-poo!!!!! I am moving to a foreign country in 3 months and will probably never see you again, but would you ever guess that I will be in ATHENS on FRIDAY, so I would LOVE TO SEE YOU!!! It might be the last time I can see you before I move, and I'm never coming back!"

The reason you should not do this is that your friend, if she were me, will surely reply, "Ohmigaw!! Well, I can't wait to hear all about this overseas moving away forever excitingness!" and then she will say, sure, you and your friend can totally crash here Friday night after your comedy show, and she will rearrange her schedule and her plans with her mom so she can be around to hang out with you because she considers you a dear friend and wants to see you and hear all about and pretend to be interested in your life plans.

And then after she does all that, you should not let her sit around downtown waiting for two hours for your show to let out because she will have whined to her husband who just spent ten hours at work that he better come out and meet you guys for drinks because you'll be out of that show any minute now like you said, and you're MOVING TO AN EXOTIC FOREIGN COUNTRY, for god's sake, and he really should appreciate that it's an extraordinary circumstance and forego sleep to visit with you because it's very important to his wife.

And then after they decide that two hours is long enough to wait on you and head home and leave you a key and clean sheets and an air mattress for your buddy and towels in the bathroom, and all manner of polite and hospitable things, et cetera, et cetera, and wait up for your for a while, finally retiring to bed at TWO A.M. when you STILL have not shown up, you should definitely not get up the next morning, chat with your friend for one hour and then leave, announcing, "Welp, we're going to that place you really like, 5 Star Day, for brunch," and then not even invite me your friend. And when your friend, if she were me, says, "Oooh, yeah, I love that place. It's probably my favorite place in Athens!" you should really really not say something to the effect of, "Yeah, it's really good there! Whelp, Jeannie-poo, this is probably the last time we'll see each other! Take care! Thanks for letting us crash!"

Because then I, I mean your friend, will probably realize you are a total user who just wanted a place to stay, and that in spite of your plans to move out of the country forever, and in spite of your having been my her friend for several years, you do not give half a shit about spending any time with me her. I She would be unable to believe that you did not even invite me her to brunch.

And then I she would try and shrug it off and be like, "Oh, well, he's gone forever anyhow, so there's no point in even worrying about it," but then I she would look into the guest room and see that you left it looking like THIS:


(Dramatization. I She would have already stripped off the linens and washed them by now because you always smell like dirty hair.)

And I she would be like "Oh, HELLLLL NAAAHHHHH," and DONE, yes, DONE, and think to herself, "Bon voyage, good riddance, and best of luck tending your delusions of grandeur."

And that is my her advice to all of you on how NOT to behave in life.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

you're my cuppycake

So most of you know that this lawyer thing does not seem to be my cup of tea. I am trying a lot harder this semester and everything, but that doesn't really mean I like it. I've been told about a gajillion times over the past year and a half at school that I missed my calling and should have been a baker.

Well, I agree. My tentative and completely unformulated plan is to mayyyyybe do lawyer stuff for a few years, and then burn out and open a bakery. And there will be yummy thiiiiiiings like cupcakes, coooookiiiiiiiies, big cakes, muffiny goodnesses, and all manner of baked-up delectabilities. Because I just love, love, love baking, I decided to combine that with my love of tattoos. Eventually I would like to have a whole smorgasbord (I spelled that right on the first try!) of yummy items inked on me. See how cute this looks?

Photobucket

Only I do not intend to ever get tattooed on the abdomen because I am sure that one day I will catch the unplanned pregnancy, and I will NOT have it destroying my breasts, vagina, sex life, and my artwork.

So instead I am going to get probably a half sleeve and maybe some shoulder of baked goods. Yesterday, I got the ball rolling with a FABBALOUS cupcake! I took this sketch that I found on the internets just kind of for a starting point:

Photobucket

And he drew it all up and came up with this!

Photobucket
(arteest: Chris Huff @ Ink Wizards in Conyers)

Which is the bestest most wonderfullest thing I ever saw, and I love it SOOO MUCH!
YAYYYYY!!!!!!! :) :) :)

HOORAY!!!!!!!!

Also, I was surprised afterwards at how my arm looked much more bulbous and jiggly than I ever noticed before, but then I realized that's because it is verra, verra swollen.

Anyhooz, I am really really happy with it. Yayyyy!

That's all!