Wednesday, April 22, 2009

cleavage fail: weighing in on Miss California because it's slightly less boring than studying

So everyone's all up in arms, and Bill O'Reilly is like, "YOU CAN'T PUNISH SOMEONE FOR THEIR OPINION!!! THIS IS AMERICA!!!!"

I know it's unfairly easy to take shots at Bill O'Reilly, and because I'm feeling fairly lazy (see: not studying), that's just what I'm gonna do for a sec.

Right, dummy, the government can't punish you for your opinion, but the judges of the contest that you chose to enter can certainly dislike your glib, ill-conceived answer. Perhaps people would still criticize her for her point of view (I would), but I doubt if she had given a more thoughtful answer that she would be coming under such fire, which, btdubs, has probably brought her a degree of celebrity rarely enjoyed by a runner-up. Expect her country/Christian album to drop this fall.

Here's the deal - Miss Proposition 8 California can say whatever she wants to say, but any idiot in a contest knows you have to consider your judges - some of whom are raging homosexuals. This was no secret. Barbie knew her audience, and she was foolish not to expect such a question and prepare a more thoughtful response in advance. I hope she fired her coach immediately, because really, who didn't see that coming?

Anyhoo, my point is that I don't think she's being crucified for being true to herself or whatever because there was certainly another way to express much the same thing without seeming like such a fucking twit. Frankly, it sounded like what she meant was something along the lines of, "Hey, I'm okay with my hairstylist being able to visit his boyfriend in the hospital, I'm just too stupid to consider the distinction between religious and civil marriage." For that, I think she could easily be forgiven.

So here's what Barbie might have said, had she considered the topic in advance:

"Regardless of my personal religious convictions, I am glad that we live in a country where citizens are allowed to express their opinions and vote on important issues such as this. I think as was done in Vermont, states should continue letting the people choose what the laws in their state should be."

There you go. A total non-answer that would have been unlikely to offend anyone. It would pretty much reveal her opinion but also establish that she isn't a complete idiot. At worst, it'd earn her a hearty eye-roll from raging liberals such as myself, of which there are probably only five or six anyway. And also, at least we'd know she isn't so silly that it never occurred to her that such a question might be asked, because, really????

For the purposes of illustration, let’s pick a different topic, and compare some possible answers that might be given.

Question: Do you think race-based affirmative action, whether in education or in the workplace, is a good policy, and why?

Answer 1:
No way! Racial people shouldn’t be allowed to, uh, take jobs away from, like, regular people just ‘cuz they’re, like, black!

Answer 2:
I believe that the disadvantages faced by many Americans are a very real problem; however, I think there has to be a better solution to this problem because I believe that each person should be evaluated on the basis of his or her individual merits or qualifications.

Answer 3:
I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children.

Answer 1:

Answer 2:
Good. Essentially the same as Answer 1, only displays forethought and sensitivity rather than peroxide poisoning that has reached the nervous system.

Answer 3:
Drugs. Good ones.

Anyway. The girl's probably a nice girl, but she's a poor speaker, her implants look like shit, and she's dumb for not being better prepared.

That's all.


Chatty Ali said...


Ben Dawkins said...

"Drugs. Good ones." Well played. Very well played. Personally, I'm still surprised that the average person isn't *FURIOUS* about that BS campain from N.O.M., which still makes me think of a bunch of LOLcats in front of a green screen saying "The storm is coming."

Morgan said...

Lol, add this one to the faves! Spot on!

Marc said...

I approve the use of strike-through in this. It is an ultimate source of literary humor.

Kelly said...

I'm not sure, but I think that's the weirdest boob job ever. Funny to me that Miss USA can't ever have had a child or been married, but it's okay to have manufactured parts. What values are we trying to convey?

BTW, she was talking to Perez Hilton. What effing moron doesn't know what his opinion is? Play to your judges ho-bag!